It’s a subject that every parent with a child on the spectrum, at some point, will need to discuss with them.
It might be due to medication, age, something a peer has said, or that they have posed the question to you themselves. Either way, it’s inevitable, and can sure summon a little dread and anxiety.
I remember the very first time that it came to my attention that my then 9 year old son did not know why his body and brain ticked a little differently to his peers.
In the throes of making an appointment with a new paediatrician, I was confronted with the question; “Is your son aware of his diagnosis?”.
A long pause followed. No, up until this moment, I hadn’t even considered it.
A little “um, no” came out, to which she responded;
“Well, it might be a good idea to have that conversation before you come in”.
It might sound ridiculous, but from his bouncy little 4 year oldness to that moment, it dawned on me that I had never told him WHY we’d always had regular appointments with our support team. Our fortnightly trek to OT’s and psychologists had just become something we simply just “did”, in fact, I think I had kind of forgotten why we were there too. It was simply our private world of “normal’”
As soon as that phone hung up, I felt internally rattled.
A sense of dread and shame that I had in some way, been withholding a dark truth from from him, slid over my bones. I sat with those feelings for quite a time. Then in a quiet moment a Divine little whisper, direct to my heart, reminded me that turning a challenge into a victory is something we have learned to do very well as a family; so why was this any different?
I hastily discharged from my soul, the element of dread, and instead filled it with an eagerness to make this conversation as positive and empowering as it could possibly be. I knew in its delivery, I could either cultivate freedom for him or load him with a burden - for me, the latter, was not an option.
Through my own studies of the brain, I know with conviction, that every one of us thrives on ‘reward’. We are literally hardwired to perform better when we feel that we are gaining something.
Knowing how true this is for my son (my ever dopamine/reward seeking child!), I became determined to find as many famous, inspiring people as I possibly could with ADHD and ASD to shine a bright, dazzling light on his neuro-diversity.
To say the list was overwhelming was an understatement. Names like Mozart, Thomas Edison, Will.i.am and Michael Jordan were loading in front of my eyes, and there were still scores more who have used ADHD and ASD to become world changers, and pioneers.
I’m going to say those two words again:
WORLDCHANGERS & PIONEERS!
I chose a quiet, receptive moment and sat beside him with my list of gold. I told him I wanted to share ALL the things these incredible humans had in common with him; my amazing son.
A brain that saw possibilities where others couldn’t,
A mind that took risks when others sat safely idle.
A body that yearned for movement and action.
A laser-like focus on things that lit them up inside.
An energy and presence that couldn’t be ignored.
A determination to see dreams become quite literally, reachable.
A perception of sight, sound, thoughts and touch that far surpassed the ‘typical’.
A memory that stored information, with accuracy, like a hard-drive.
I also shared with him that his heroes most likely (many well documented) had a challenging time focusing at school, at fitting in, were singled out and often in trouble for struggling to withhold impulsive thoughts and actions.
BUT…
Because of these attributes, AND what they learned from their struggles they each went on to do something that had a great impact on the world as we know it. They turned their obstacles into pure GOLD.
By the time I had finished my spiel and came to the delivery of the “names” of his neurodiversity, he was glowing with pride and awe. He couldn’t actually believe that he had something in common with the very people he admired so much.
By flipping the script and telling him of his potential “superpowers” there was far less fear of being different, less burden for not fitting the mould and more celebration for the untapped, unlimited potential he already has in his hands.
Our neurodiverse children were not only born to reshape us, but the WORLD too!
Our job? Simply to teach them, to believe it ♡.
Comments